Honeysweet ;)

Him <3
December 6, 2011 ;) 00:16 a.m.

" Baby I know you're tired (; come sleep with me babe ;* I miss you in my arms boo, i miss kissing ur soft lips (; *carry to bed* nights baby I love you always <3 <3 "

Thankyou for going out and spending precious time with me baby ;* 

 I shall remember this day till forever ;) 

 Its worth celebrating and its definitely worth more than balloons ;)

 I will always love you ;)

All about him

I wish i can rewind time. I wish I could make the memories in my head playback again again.. ;)

I went out with him today. I went out with him today. I wish we have a pleasant future together.. i know this might be cheesy but this is how i feel xp i want him. argh. i want him. mmph.

I really miss him I really miss today ;) i could go on forever.. hehe :) :)
The cheesy moments are for me to remember and smile upon ^^ i shan't spell them out in words here..

i wanna hug him ;(


we watch breaking dawn :) edwards eyes look bigger here.. but the gown was disappointing.. not too say it wasnt too bad.. maybe after all that security i expected something more ;)
charlie was cute though.. but He was cuter ^^ hehe
I think i would consider red contacts :) but not gold lah-

 and many more lovey dovey moments ;)

Day out with Mommy

4th DCEMBER 2011 (correction of timeline)
one day late, yeah, sorry.
Sunday. I slept in. Mom got mad and started yelling. Mainly because we were supposed to be at Gurney by 12 noon and i woke at 12 noon sharp. chun right? ;D or not.
Anyway she pms and all. so i wasn't really into the mood to go out with her.

but! BUT ! I wanted to see him. so badly. i really missed this guy. and He is working at the mall. and i really wanted to see him. my muse ;) *lovey-dovey* hehe :D

I still miss him. :(

Anyway, I was looking arouund, poking into every shop, looking for a white shirt that i would buy. basically, something i would continue wearing after this shot at caroling. (why i joined in the first place i don't know) gah.

Somehow i ended buying a dress instead. have to wait till Christmas. I'm still happy :)
I didnt get to buy the tube dress though, cuz' mom claimed it was too revealing. Maybe she's hoping that if she goes on 'bout the issue long enough, i might consider a reduction. fat chance Mom.

Dress i bought :)

The one that i didn't buy...

 And a dose of camwhoring ;) with love <3

I wish i can see him every single day ;( xoxo 



Bridge run 20 Dec 2011

You're probably wondering why am i wearing a blue one instead of a pink one right?

I read thoughts, its something i do ;) okay, yeah, ntreallyiguess... ._.

I joined the Penang Bridge Run year 2011. yeah. I joined it to motivate myself to get up early to exercise. I joined it to motivate myself to burn some fats. i joined it to motivate myself to get healthy.

Except none of those goals were achieved... what? I still managed to finish the 10km run okay *shifty-eyes (defensive) * at least i did not take the sweeper bus back yet.. :)

Ooh i even got the finisher medal ^^ hah!

I guess i just have to find something else to motivate myself.. /;

Worst case scenario : the minute i walked in the ladies, everybody turned and stared for 2 minutes just because i was wearing the blue thingy. wat? its their problem okay, not mine. idonotlooklikeaguythe last time i checked :(

 

Waiting...

Is it stupidity? foolishness? persistency? determination? overwhelming crazyness? boredom even? or am i just a hopeless romantic having watched one too many chic flicks?

I find myself waiting, for what for whom, that remains unclear.
An idle mind is the devil's workshop. Well, not really? it just gives me more space more time to think.
Surprisingly, i find myself able to patiently wait. although i do not know what im waiting for or when it will come. I still wait. Maybe its just something to occupy my mind with, in other words obsess about. okay, im making myself sound like a crazy lunatic. maybe i am becoming one.

Its only been a few days, I do not know how am i going to survive as the days come and go. FML...

Sometimes i try to stop myself and backtrack. To try to ask myself what am i waiting for. I have yet to answer myself ;S

Maybe i'm waiting for true, solid friends whom i can really depend on.
Maybe i'm waiting for a better, improved relationship and communication with my parents.
Maybe i'm waiting for the desired acceptance by society.
Maybe i'm waiting for the tidal wave of discrimination to pass.
Maybe i'm waiting and wondering if he will come back.
Maybe i'm waiting to be acknowledged by people i care about.
Maybe i'm waiting for love and affection.
Maybe i'm waiting for myself to jolt out of this morbid reverie.

So many freaking maybes...

Aint life a bitch" i used to use that as an excuse to screw up.
But somehow, it aint about the Law of the Universe or the Way of the World anymore.
Life is what you make out of it. You are what you are.
When life gives you shit, you make shit juice. And feed it to the bitches.

Day of Firsts

I started a new blog. partly because of the recent turn of events. my previous blog, if you care, is chelledmt.blogspot.com/ :)

Mon espace heureux quand l'espace dans ma tête devient invivables
My happy space when the space in my head becomes unlivable.
True, my fortress of solitude.

Cheerios xpand when left to soak in milk for too long. If you stare at them blankly long enough you can almost watch it happen ._. Also, the curious stares, whispers gossip morbidity of things become less noticeable when you are working on 45minutes of sleep in three days. And that my mom doesnt like it when she finds me sitting at the dinnign table at 5am waiting for breakfast. Ninety percent out of it and i'm still learning things.

This is the first time i have such a choice like this. Hand to God.. maybe there where other factors contributing to my decision. but its taking a hit on my self esteem.
I miss him really much. i do. but i still do not regret my experience at the camp. my opportunity of experiencing God. It is rare. Thank You God. Jesus. Holy Spirit. Mary mother. whoever is it out there.
When i first did it, it seemed like the right choice. now, as time goes by, im sorry to say i begin questioning myself in my head. i mean i feel great taking this great big step for the better i feel almost saintly, yadda yadda yadda, but when the euphoria and effect dies down, the doubt and pain and regret comes flooding in again. Now, wheres my morphine...

I admit, i do want him back. i wish a miracle would happen. and that i will somehow get to be with him together again. oh God please ii want him back. i know this is lame. i know im grovelling. but i just miss him so much.

One more thing is that im so sorry bout Kevin. this soul-sucking guilt. but i dont think i can bear being alone and shunned-upon now. to go tell him what i have to. sometime or the other. lets just hope he does not find out first... that would be bad.
Im sorry kevin, i know youve been through alot. youre a very strong person and all that. just stop messing your life up. i know its easier said than done. and youll probably say "look whos talking" and yeah, i deserve that. sorry. although sorry doesnt really help. its the least i can do. other than leaving you alone. dont get me wrong, youre truly a really great friend. and youve grown up and matured alot. its just that, maybe, we are over. this time. :) :(

And to you those out there, you know who you are. and you better stop all that shit before you get the slap you deserve. im sick and tired of being stashed under the microscope for so long, every action and thought observed and analysed, lies and half-truths spreaded like wildfire. Somethings gotta give before i snap, soon.
you all are like vultures you know that? its almost as if y'all are just watching and waiting, salivating for the nervous breakdown y'all are so sure that im gonna have, and have anticipated for for so long. y'all think that i cnt go through this shit. Well, watch me.